This Beautiful Life…

Life used to be so great, until it wasn’t.

Now it is almost hard to breath.

One day at a time I suppose.

I have never been a big fan of Halloween. As a kid, I loved it of course, but now that I know candy is accesible basically anywhere it has kind of lost its magic I suppose. Anyway, I spent Halloween this year with my momma, galavanting through the streets of dowtown San Diego. We were on  a mission to find dresses for my big brother’s upcoming nuptials. While we were unsuccesful in the dress finding it was a lovely day in my favorite city.

Our last stop was at Seaport Village, a cutesy little area right on the water. My mom mentioned that she wanted to find a place that sells rings so her and I could get matching ones. My initial thought was “awww mom, how cute are you?!?!” So we found this little shop and bought very simple cute matching rings. As we were walking out of the store my mom puts her arm around me and says, “you know Catie, you and me, we can get through anything together.” All I could say was, “yeah…”

If you know me at all, you know I love my momma, like a lot. But, goodness gracious, in these last few months she has shown me what it means to really really love. She has cried with me, hurt with me, sat with me, smiled with me, and given  me more hugs than I can count. I have always known that she loves me but now I see that she sees right into my heart and when it aches her heart aches too. She speaks truth, she stands up for me, and she makes me laugh. The truth is, with her by my side I can get through anything because she will be there always, even when it is hard. She is willing to walk with me through everything and everytime I look at my hand adorned with a small silver ring I remember that when it seems like there is no one else, she is there.

As we drove home from San Diego we both held up our hands and smiled. I have always hated my hands. My fingers are long, my nails are short, and my knuckles are rather big. I looked at my mom’s hands that day. Her fingers are long, her nails are  short, and her knuckles are big. I have my mother’s hands. I look at my mom and her life and I am so proud. Her path is marked with pain, hurt, loss, and sacrifice, but she has a faith and a love like no one I know. She is beautiful, kind,  and smart. I can only pray that my life reflects the Lord’s provision and grace the way her’s does when all is said and done.

My mom is amazing, truly a gift from God. I am so grateful and so proud to be her daughter; to have her same hands.

is hard.

that bring sunshine during a storm.

• Caramel Macchiatos
• Orange Tic Tacs
• Francine Rivers
• Mr. Ray LaMontagne
• Staying in bed till 10, because I can
• Staying in my PJs till 2, because I can
• The wonderful ladies in my lifegroup
• My mom, God sure knew what He was doing when He gave me her
• Realizing laughter is probably the best medicine, well that and things of the sugary kind  
• Miley Cyrus, I know what you are thinking (seriously Catie?) but listen to The Climb, its a good one
• Watching the Angels beat the Yankees (well at least Game 5 that I went to!)
• Hope
• Realizing that the people who will stick with you through anything, though few in number, make life wonderful.
• Learning that I will never be, nor ever have been alone, I got my best friend by my side always and forever
• The sweet sweet love of My Savior

Here is to a new adventure…

I have been reading a book, or should I say a series of stories by Francine Rivers (I know, she is great!). It is called A Lineage of Grace and is an in depth look at some of the women in the Bible who are in the blood line of Jesus. I have so enjoyed reading about these spectacular women and the lives they led and the way God used them to change the world. The five women Francine (yes, we are  on a first name basis) writes about are Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. If know anything about these women you know that they all suffered great pain and hurt in their lives. Some  pain from the choices they made, others pain from death and loss, and others shame. As I read the stories of the lives of these women I tried to constantly remind my self that they were real. These things really happened and changed the course of history. Each story filled with heartache, pain, doubt, and fear but one thing stood out to me as I completed each book.

The stories of these unlikely women ended well.

Each one. The Bible is FILLED with stories of God’s provision and grace. Real stories, about real people, with real hurts, saved by an indescribable grace. I know that because I believe in God my life is not going to “peachy.” I know that sometimes it will seem like I have lost everything and there is no hope.  The truth is though, when you hit rock bottom and it takes everything within you to just remember how to breathe there is an amazing God creating every beat of your heart and filling your lungs with air. I know I screwed up, big time and it cost me almost everything I love but I will still be used by God and will still belong to Him forever because I am forgiven.

My story, my life, though spotted with sin and selfish choices, will end well. Because He said so and His word is true.

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

Well hello my long lost blog, it’s been awhile. My little life has taken quite the turn as of late and if there is one thing I have learned in dealing with pain, loss, and sadness it is that there is a God who despite horrible circumstances and poor choices covers each and every inch of my broken soul with a love that is so sweet. I have seen that when life is sucky, He is beautiful and He is There, right next to me, holding the pieces of my heart and catching every tear. I don’t know why I am sharing this with you Mr. Internet, maybe to offer someone the hope that the Lord provides, a hope that I don’t fully understand, but that is promised to me and to all who believe that God has ordered our steps and makes life beautiful with his amazing, unending, unchanging love. There is nothing better. All we can do is walk in the grace and mercy God gives all of us and trust that He can take tiny little insignificant creatures like us humans and make us into beautiful images of Himself. I don’t understand it but I sure as heck couldn’t make it through this life without it.

is a community where we dance, sing, and have a splendid time making sillies out of ourselves.

Calvary Staff Christmas Video from tammy harris on Vimeo.

I love my job. I could not ask for a better way to spend my days then with people who definitely don’t take themselves to seriously and work towards one common, beautiful goal! I am so proud to be part of this amazing team!

So Im sitting here listening to the sounds of my dad putting the finishing touches on his thanksgiving feast extravaganza. It smells absolutely delicious. I just love that there is a day every year when people everywhere stop and think about all of the things in life we have to be thankful for. I know we should all be thankful everyday for all the things we have but I just love that there is a day set aside for it. To spend with loved ones and reflect on all the good things there are. I just wanted to make a little list of all the things I am thankful for, I am one blessed little girl and I hope that I never forget to thank God for all the blessings in my life. So here goes…I am so thankful for….

1. My Family- I have told you, internet, a million times how grateful I am for my family. I have the most amazing parents in all the world who took the circumstances life gave them, overcame, and raised my brother and I with all the love in the world. I am also thankful for my brother who is a complete free spirit and could care less about what the world thinks of him. He is stubborn and silly, and although to the naked eye we are completely different, him and I are definitely two peas from the same pod.

2. My Friends- I have been blessed my whole life with great friends. There have definitely been a few not so good ones also but the people I have in my life now are just amazing. There are those couple people I have been friends with forever who will always be there, always be in my heart. But there are my friends now who have sort of become my family up in the OC away from my momma and dad. They challenge and love me and make me laugh like no one. I am also so grateful for a group of friends who don’t deal with or allow silly drama to come between us, life is too short for silly things and I am grateful for friends who feel the same.

3. My Job- I have a great job. I get to watch babies and hang out with some of the coolest people AND get paid for it. I will not lie, it is definitely challenging at times but this past year at Calvary has been one of the best I have had. I look at other people who hate what they do everyday but I can honestly say that I love my job and just to be able to say that is such a blessing.

4. Food- Yes, I am thankful for food. I love food, especially sweet things. I am thankful God gave us taste buds to taste things.

5. My life- This may sound strange and a bit vain but I am so thankful that God gave me a good head on my shoulders. I am glad he gave me the ability to think for myself and make my own choices. I am thankful that God created me just the way he did and gave me the life he did. I love my life, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sometimes I look at others and I don’t understand why I got the life I did and others didn’t. I am not saying my life is perfect by any means, I have had my fair share of ups and downs and ins and outs but when I look back through every moment of heartache and doubt I saw God’s hand right there saying, “silly Catie, Im right here holding your hand.” I am so thankful for that.

I am learning more and more that life is not about what you have, its about the company you keep and the love you share with others. I for so long thought it was about fitting in and having the right clothes and the right friends who make you look cool but now that all just seems so silly… but I think we all go through this feeling to come out on the other end realizing what is truly important.

Well, the turkey is done, and looks mighty fine. My dad is an amazing cook so Im gonna go gain a few pounds have a few laughs with the people I love. Happy Thanksgiving Mr.Internet!